ETTIQUET WHEN HUMBLY BOWING BEFORE HER ROYAL MAJESTY

national | miscellaneous | news report Tuesday June 04, 2002 15:48 by Rupert pipps chumly warner - posh plummy royal watchers

HOW COMMON PEASANTS MUST BEHAVE WHEN IN THE PRESENCE OF HER ROYAL MAJESTY. TAKE HEED unrefined buffoons

yes when we are meeting royalty we must assume an air of tranquil submission and subservience, our heads bowed in puppy dog like manner to one side, as if clinging to every word uttered by our royal superiors and nodding obediently. we must regulate and curtail our behaviour. we must realise that the queen having to do walkabout handshakes is very drudging and tiresome for her majesty, which is why she wears gloves at every opportunity so as not to get her beautiful pearly white hands soiled by touching the skin of dirty commoners. The Queen is indeed very tolerant of row after row of smelly underlyings and their plump lice ridden children, and in the privacy of her own palace, behind close doors, she unwinds by having a good larf at the days parade of smelly mongrel underlyings with their horrible cheap frocks and yukky hairstyles, yes the Queen has a jolly good laugh and enjoys passing witty comment on some of the ugly fashion disasters she has had the misfortune to witness on her crowd walkabouts, just today the Queen guffawed out loud when she attempted to describe the appearence of some of the common mature ladies in the greeting crowds, who the Queen feels have tried to copy her elegant taste in clothes and hats, "mutton dressed as lamb!" she hooted, and we had another jolly good laugh at their feeble misguided attempts to imitate her Majesties fashion, do they not know, that only the very finest hand picked woven fabrics are used by the Queens dress designers, yet the rabble still try to copy the Queens dress style even though their frocks are cheap feeble imitations, bought at high street chain stores. We must be very grateful that the Queen is able to tolerate such hideous fashion sights and be able to subdue her true feelings of disgust and revulsion at having to shake hands with such tasteless unrefined mongrels.