Fasting Aganist Taverns and for Veganism

by Big Liquor Tue Nov 19, 2002 11:14

As a representative of the worldwide liquor industry, speaking on behalf of such multinationals as Diageo and Bacardi, I'd like to concede defeat and graciously throw in the towel. We have begun the long process of turning all of our distilleries into lentil processing factories and our breweries should be reborn within a couple of months as greenhouses for organic vegetables.

This fast, bravely pursued by Andrew of Mankato, caught us all by surprise and we were left with simply no choice but to submit immediately and wind up our industry. In the face of this brave act, all of our forces are rendered impotent. Our legions of PR strategists are for once speechless, our dozens of bought governments around the world are in chaos and our corporate hierarchy are dejected, demoralised and defeated.

However, there is hope. Although it may cause our profits to dissappear completely and will very likely bankrupt us within hours, we will persevere and introduce some brave new brands to the market. With Guinness Kidney Beans (TM), Smirnoff Organic Rice (TM) and Bacardi Lentils, we hope to reconquer our historic market and re-establish our position as market leaders with unparalleled brand recongnition.

Lastly we would like to deliver a humble plea to the global public. We have been informed that there are plans afoot among the alcoholic community for one of their number to engage in a fast against our transformation. We beg you to hold your fire. Another catastrophic fast, even if it only lasts a few days, would utterly ruin us, destroy the jobs of thousands of workers and sink the global economy into an interminable depression. Please think of the children.

by Hic Tue Nov 19, 2002 13:37

If you want to get pissed, brew your own and don't give a penny (sorry, an EU cent) to the multinationals. Wine is particularly easy to make. Try native Irish fruits and flowers - not to mention nettles, sloes and other such interesting plants. And I'm told spuds can be used to make something even stronger.

by As do many other Ghosts Tue Nov 19, 2002 21:10

Even if they were using me as a 'test case' for the presence of ethanol ;-)

by neogeo Tue Nov 19, 2002 23:47 [email protected]

There are serveral homebrewing kits available over the internet. Also, I saw a mini whiskey kit available from the natural shop in Ranelagh (just opposite Xtra Vision, two doors down from M. McDowell's office).

Not only are these far healthier alternatives in (no additives, preservatives etc) insofar as drinking can be but the cost difference is huge. These became quite popular in the 80's when the price of alcohol began to rise strongly for the first time.

I think this is going to take off again as I'd imagine €5 for a pint of warm beer served in a place where you can't get a seat (or have a smoke/eat) would be going above the price threshold for most.

It might just be fun, too. Unless of course Mickey Martin spots a keg on his way to visit his collegue.